No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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