i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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