I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
