What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
