It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
