she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
