You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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