There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
So I just went to clothing optional bar
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
