He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
