Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
