I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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