Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
found the other keg... it's in the tree
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
