im gay
i know
yea but for you.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
You made out with two different species that night
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
