I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
this will be a night to untag.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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