i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
