i think my mom watched the whole time
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize