and next time when you feel me up, do it right
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
