dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
