i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
