i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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