i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
