Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
