I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize