Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
