this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
