Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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