can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
