so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
