My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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