Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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