Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
