I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
