there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
