Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
