my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
