please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
