You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Someone stole a lamp last night.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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