member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
