I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
