Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
