If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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