Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
