In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
YAS. BRING CRAB.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
