oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
