Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
We left the knife in your bed.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
