My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
