I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
A+ Viking dick
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
