She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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