Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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