I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
