The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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