And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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