Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
