I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
