...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
