To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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