What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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