I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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