Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
