you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
