Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
How does one acquire holy water?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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