i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
