She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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