using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Randomize
