he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
