He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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