tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
soo... how was my night?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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