Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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