Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
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