ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
