Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
