Fine. I'll sleep in my office
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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