and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
