**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
