You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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