Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
