I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Houston, we have a blender
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
