woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Dick very happy bro
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize