I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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