I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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