are you still at the devil's house?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize