I skipped work to stalk him.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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