he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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