Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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