I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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