Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Do vagina's smell?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
