she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
