The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
