Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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