dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
