this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Randomize
