I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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