She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
