At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
