i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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