matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
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