he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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