I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
