walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
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