I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
No more Irish car bombs ever.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
