Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Enjoy the penises
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
