life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Randomize
